Slaughterhouse 28
We’re a big deal…people know us…
The woman and the dog
A few days ago I walked behind a very fancy lady in a powersuit…she was walking her dog…every time the dog tried to sniff around etc she would yank the leash like the dog just told her that it for the last 7 years secretly had been making a lot of long distance calls…
I walked behind her for about 20 minutes…every time she looked at a man I would slap her in the back of her head…she turned around all mazed up, asking me what the fuck I was doing…told her that I was a certified Pavlov practitioner…and that I had observed how she was already trying to bend the dogs natural instinct around her own needs…Think she got quite pissed off when I told her that she should try something a bit lighter than a dog…like an old Sneaker or an Eggplant…
Busto
Spain predicted to invade Germany any day now…
The Spanish government just ran a design-competition for a new logo. The winner received 12.000 € for this little piece of art.
…and in NO WAY does that look anything like the one of the German government…
I don’t see any explanation other than Spain is looking into invading Germany.
The following conversation takes place in Madrid between José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero and Juan Carlos I.
Juan Carlos I “Hungry ?”
José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero - “I was more thinking Schwitzerland…all they got is those little pocket knifes…shouldn’t be that hard…”
Juan Carlos I “No…hungry…as in launch”
José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero - “Aahh…yes…I could eat…”
Juan Carlos I “Tapas…”
José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero - “I’m so freakin tired of tapas…you need like 230 to get full…”
Juan Carlos I “Yeah…like…last week. Me and Enrique…we had the munchies…that’s quite the project when dealing with tapas….sat at a bar for like seven hours straight… “
José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero - “What about Germany…you always see them eating those giant sausages on TV…”
Juan Carlos I “Yeah…and cabbage…always a lot of cabbage-eating going on…”
José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero - “ I’d like that…one dish…that’s it…and like….one of those giant beers..I’m sick of those small glasses of wine…when you hit the 8 glass it’s all over the news that you’re..like..”an alcoholic…”…”
Juan Carlos I “Germany it is…”
José Luis RodrÃguez Zapatero - “…if we pick that rip-off logo we don’t need to change it when Berlin becomes Barcelin…”
Busto
The move
We are in the process of relocating HQ to a bigger and better location. Today the movers moved our mansized printer…the new place has a narrow and very steep staircase…and that’s not comme il faut in the moving business. I told the movers on the phone, and he told me that it wasn’t a problem…on location we had the following conversation…
Moving guy - “JESUS CHRIST…is it going op there…”
Me   - “yup”
Moving guy ” but…”
Me “…”
Moving guy - “it’s so steep…”
Me “yes it is…”
Moving guy - ” God dammit….”
Me -Â “but is it possible…”
Moving guy - ” i don’t know man …FUCK…”
Me -Â ” yeah…and stuff…”
They rig the thing with straps and lines and pulleys and…lift it up…and in the minutes to follow they have a classic “moving heavy stuff up stairs”dialog…
Mover 1 - “Aahh….”
Mover 2 - “&/”#&”%”…”
Mover 1 - “Got it…?”
Mover 2 - “AAHHHHH…”
Mover 1 - “It’s tipping….”
Mover 2 - “I’m slipping…”
Mover 1 - “AAHHHHH….”
Mover 2 - “put it down…put it down…put it down…put it down…put it down…”
Mover 1 - “FUUUUCK…”
Mover 2 - “€&€%!!!?€…”
Ten minutes later it’s in place, and we now know how it sounds like when a 230 pound makes love to his wife…
Busto
Let’s take it up a notch…
We talked about it, but agreed that this isn’t something that requires rational decisions…This is a decision where you agree to man the fuck up and do it…
Yes…papers are being signed…and this isn’t something that any midlevel manager can sign…this is the stuff that requires a partner signature…so we flashed our Caran d’Ache Pen…
As a consequence the blog may or may not (probably may) lay low for a week or two…’cause we’re gonna be working harder than Demi Moore getting ready for “striptease“…
We love you long time…
Busto
Fidel failed to attend party…seen in Wallmart’s pharmacydepartment along with Rasmussen
A quick trip to Sweden turned out fatal for several creatures…
This is gerard depardieu…4real…
I ran into this guy at a gallery…very quiet…told him to quit smoking and eat more greens…think he got quite pissed…
This is the baroque garden of Frederiksborg castle…there’s two things worth noticing in this picture. First the vertical lawn…put about 20 minutes of brainpower in figuring out how they cut it…came up with a lawn mover with really really long handles…
Second there’s the man in the upper right corner of the frame…He’s taking a picture of a castle about half a kilometer away…He’s not able to get the entire castle in the frame, so he uses the internationally aclaimed “lean a bit back” technique invented by Anselm Adams in the 30’s…recognized and a trademark of many magnumphotographers…
Busto
comic con…
The blog has been sleeping in lately…
That’s because we’re busy packing our bags for the annual Comic Con, where we’ll deliver the Keynote entitled:
“Atsuko Tanaka’s influence on the postmodern view on Bill Clintons proposed anti terror bill…aesthetic idiosyncrasy in comics”
After last years episode at the shrimpbuffet we’re not allowed at the floor, so I you’re around we’ll be in our winnabago (licenseplate: comics4real)…please drop by…
Busto
Victory spelled backwards
NYT reports that Al Qaeda has significantly strengthened over the past two years.
Bush must be kicking himself over that springbreak mini-cruise he took a while ago.
Bush recently bought a large piece of land in South America. Add this to the picture, and you get the feeling that he’s going to do the Nazi-thing, move there and finish his book “What the hell is our oil doing under their sand”
Busto
and all that Jazzzzz…
Apparently it’s not comme il faut to tip over a small table (including 2394 bottles) during a live jazz concert, while the pianist is doing a solo with so much explicit soulpain that it looked like he stabbed himself silly with a cheap steakknife from Japan…Take it from someone who knows…(and is now banned from numerous jazz-venues…)
(Imagine all these people turning their heads simoultaneously…you get the point…)
Busto
Scofield - Medeski Martin & Wood
As soon as Scofield touched the strings the rain stopped and the sun came out (…not a metaphor). Great evening although we had to stand up during the entire concert…
Cudos to Peter for daring to bring a novice…
Jazzconcerts always freak me out a bit. I’m not a musician, and the code for applause is still a bit of a mystery to me…I get that when someone does a solo, you’re supposed to bang your hands together…so far so good…but sometimes the crowd goes wild (jazz-wild that is…) at a, in my eyes, rather arbitrary moment…(klink - klank - kling-Ping…YEEEAHHHHH)
I thought that maybe this method of applause could be applied in everyday life, and I decided to try out the clapping at the coffee-shop this morning. The girl behind the counter put just the right amount of milk in my coffee, and I yelled out “YEEAHH” - and clapped…looked around and found that there were no fellow jaaazzzz lovers at the premises…bit akward
Busto