Song for UPS annual sommerparty…
“Let’s talk about logistics baby…”
(note to self…what you find funny after 16 hours of work might not be funny to others…)
Busto
Reading will make you rich…
Aaaaand we’re back…this time for real…The door jammed to the toilet so I had to wait for the cleaninglady for 21 days. And believe me…it’s no picknick living in 5 sq feet living off soap and hot water. On the upside I can now recite the text on the back of a L’oreal shampoo in my sleep. Might come in handy if you ever meet a girl who’s into shampoo and stuff like that…
Cutting to the chase we’ve been busy and no..that’s not an excuse…but really…it is. Phones are ringing off the hook and sometimes we get a mail to. It’s wonderful and in no way annoying that you don’t ever have an day to work without interruptions. Guess now we now how Coleridge felt when he was writing Kubla Khan…But we’re doing all sorts of graphics and websites and love every bit of it. All of them fantastic and very speciel. (Same as myself…and if you don’t believe me just ask my mother. I’m a very special boy with special needs…)
A story… And this isn’t a regular story but more like a story of the sliding doors kind’a thing. I crafted it with my very own hands, so you better like it… In the little town of Shcprenzenberglauer am scleindeind lived a little boy. His name…Adolph Hitler..he was, as I am, a very special boy with the rather odd feature of having a moustache at the age of 3. Every morning he would shave it in the form of a brick and always tell his mother that this was the first brick in the line of many to build the “Second Reich”. Many years later he changed this to the “Third Reich” as he discovered that a small amusementpark in Ohio had an old wooden waterpark named ”The Second Reich” after the managers son (Hans Reich) and that the foresight of the very same manager had led to a copyright of this very name. As he thought about the various fields of work in which he could develop his passion for brown and structure his mind wandered to the old brownstone he passed every tuesday afternoon on his way to ping-pong practise. It was brown and had a lot of structure. Adolph was a boy of quick decisions and decided to go into real estate. He quickly learned that there were a lot of people in this business and thought it better to have a bit of edge. (Somewhere around here Adolph grows up in order to keep the story going and avoid stupid comments about a realestate agency being run three years old boy…) He hired an intern and had same brown uniforms made in order to give it a bit of an edge…Adolph was new in the business. He had a lot of pride and didn’t want to ask any of his competitors advice. Instead he sought out a restaurent where the very same competitors had lunch every day. This way he could eavesdrop on the conversations taking place. One quiet thuesday afternoon, having spend 3 hours eating a large bowl of onionsoup, two diet cokes and a second order of bread, while watching the occasional car going by the window, he suddenly found himself sitting right next to one of the top dogs in the business…He felt his left hand tightening the grip on the fork while trying to avoid squinting to the waitress watching him from the corner. (The waitress being a slightly paranoid girl named Eva Brown who just returned from New York with a failed TV career on her CV…Adolph liked her but couldn’t quite figure if it was on account of her last name as he had never spoken to her) After some small talk he suddenly picks up the top dog telling his apprentice that if he could give one, and only one, piece of advice it would be the following “Location location location…”…The words being said with such patos that Adolph decided to steal this phrase and make it his tagline for his own company. In order to explain the following we need a quick flashback. Adolph is standing in the kitchen age 12. He’s a very short kid and because of this his mother doesn’t see him when she’s opening the fridge to get a topperwarecontainer with hard boiled eggs. Adolph gets hit by the door on the right side of the face and developes a hearing disorder. The family doctor tells them that he will have to live with the fact that he’ll be deaf on the right ear. He gives Adolph a brochure on hearing disorders…Adolph decides that he needs to know more about this newly found disease and goes to the library … due to a case of the good old dyslexia Adolph instantly develops a fobia and gets dizzy every time the fish heering is mentioned. Getting back to the mainfeature Adolph decides to buy a large Billboard on a street nearby. He hires a designer to make up a logo and based on his eavesdropping the words ” CAUCASION CAUCASION CAUCASION” is printed in bright orange next to his picture. His company never becomes a succes and a few years later Adolph and Eva moves to Providence where Eva has a scholarship at the litterature department at Brown University…Adolph enjoys the quite life of gardening and often him and Eva sit on the terrace drinking a beer, watching the sun go down over the city. On Friday the 4th of march (Adolphs favourite month of the year…) Adolph feels a sudden tension in his chest and on this slightly misty morning, drops dead on the floor of his greenhouse after succesfully having paired two different kinds of Orchids…Evas favourite flower…
We’ll be right back with something I like to call the 48 laws on power.. - Busto
Fontaine de Trevi 2.0
I had the most delightful night. If you add it up I had about 13 minutes of sleep, and that’s about all a real trooper needs…
I live in an old building, so if you as much as say the words minus degree, the pipes start popping like there’s no tomorrow. Around midnight the first one popped under the sidewalk just beneath my window. All in all it looked like a shitty reproduction of the Trevi fountain.
An hour later a lot of cars arrived and people started running around. This went on for about two hours. They used a lot of heavy equipment, and screams…(they can NOT work without the screaming)…they settled a bit down when a guy yelled “Shut the fuck up…It’s feels like I’m sleeping inside a giant loudspeaker” out his window.
Basically this went on until 6-7 AM. My favourite time was around 3. Two guys standing on each side of the street, having a conversation like this…
Guy 1 “NOW?”
Guy 2 “NO”
Guy 1 “NOW?”
Guy 2 “NO”
Guy 1 “NOW?”
Guy 2 “NO”
Guy 1 “NOW?”
Guy 2 “NO”
Busto
Crime and punishment
Imagine that we as a society abandoned the idea of prisons. Close the prisons, and throw away the key. What would we do ? We would have to figure out how to solve problems like crime in a bit more intelligent way that just locking up people…We would have to start thinking about help and rehabilitation, instead of measuring out punishment. When the aliens come I think they will laugh when we show them the big buildings with the naughty people inside.
“So how do you help them get back on their feet ?”
“We don’t…we…we punish them into submission…It’s a brilliant system…we lock them up, and they rehabilitate on their own.”
“but you just said that the prisons are getting bigger…wouldn’t it be better to prevent people from getting here… ?”
“…It’s weird that baseballs are all round…I would like to see a square one…I like square…”
Busto
Trust
In this postmodern world we live in, it all comes down to trust. You need to trust the doctor, the government and the guy selling hotdogs on the corner. Trust is a great and powerful medium. This is my take on trust.
1. Trust your parents. They probably fucked you up, but they didn’t mean to.
2. Don’t trust people that only tell the truth.
3. Trust people who don’t care if you trust them.
4. Don’t trust people living in the past. They don’t trust the future. They don’t deserve to be trusted.
5. Never ever trust a dictator ( see number 2)
6. Don’t trust people begging for trust. They need it to take over the world.
7. Don’t trust people because other people do.
8. Find somebody to trust. It calms you down.
9. Never trust the company, trust the person.
10. Trust money. ( To all you guys listening in from 1929…Don’t trust money)
11. Don’t trust the flawless, trust the people who are honest about their flaws.
12. Don’t trust anybody from Texas.called George.
13. Never trust a trust fund. They will use your money on small islands and
poker-sites.
14. Don’t trust people driving around in motorhomes writing about the wonders of
large warehouses.
15. Don’t trust the system. Trust your ability to change it to the better.
16. Trust yourself. Others will follow.
Busto
WHAT THE FUCK…
Just received a letter from the danish cable provider TDC. It states that due to low shares and rating and all that the won’t provide BBC Food any longer…It’s horrible. I watch BBC Food every Saturday morning…It’s wonderful TV…It’s relaxing…No murder and guns…no car-chases…just chicken and beef…sometimes they drop an egg, but that’s about the most exciting that ever happens…Who wouldn’t love it…I’m starting a petition, so please state your first name and support for BBC Food to remain on TV in Denmark.
Busto
Today…
I got nothing to share…
This is a picture of me taking a picture of…yes…exactly…NOTHING…
When I took the picture somewhere on route 1 in CA, I felt like I was standing in the middle of a panopticon in which the architect fucked up the rather important matter of the mirrors between the cells and the center…
[ bonusinfo - I fucking hate it when people refer to McDonalds as a restaurant…IT’S NOT…it’s just a horrible place…a restaurant is a place where they serve food…McDonalds serve shit, and no children should be allowed…yes…I’m in a bad mood today…suck it up ]
( Not going to land a big McDonalds account any time now…I guess…)
Busto.
My date with an ATM…
Danah adresses the corporate marketer, stating that SHE is not thrilled about them posting lame comments about noting in order to get pagerank on google (…or as Bush calls it…The google.)
I also find it quite annoying, but there’s an upside to the hole shanannegan… a bit shaky but here goes…
When the corporate-thingy struggles to penetrate the world of blogs, and they again and again hit the wall, it’s because of one simpel reason. They don’t have a heart…they’re not human. They don’t sing and laugh…All they care about is money…I know..a bit harsh, but none the less…When you talk corporate, you talk money. ROI, Nasdaq and social marketing. A person writing a blog is a person. When you read the blog, you know it’s a person expressing his or her opinion. When a corporation talk , they often talk about money and how to make more money. Or how donating 1 billion to a hospital is worthwhile in terms of brandvalue. You wouldn’t go on a date with an ATM, would you…
But how is that an upside…It’s an upside in the way that the web 2.0 is shaped like the real world. The net is more and more becoming a digital representation of the real world, regarding social activities. It’s a place that builds not upon money but upon trust and interest. Sure…You can still buy eyeballs here and there…But the more it grows, the harder it gets to find the eyeballs. People want to talk to people…not corporations. And this is the upside…It’s more real. It’s conversations about stuff that interest between people. Interest is the strange attractor that unifies the net…
And on a more personal note the doctor rang back about the rash…It’s something called The French Rose…It’s totally harmless, and should be over in a couple of days…But quite decadent…I’m rarely sick, so please show some sympathy…to take away the pain…(mommy….)
Busto
The coma…
I recently received a nice rash on my neck. It’s spreading to my arms, and it’s itchy and scratchy…I can’t focus on anything other than not scratching. I’m going to the doctor-man, who I’m sure will tell me that I got about 2 minutes left before I hit a coma…and this got me wondering…(yes…the sex and the city way…suck it up!)…is it possible to make some guidelines to make a coma run down more smooth…the medicine-people say that when in a coma, you feel nothing. I do NOT believe this, so here goes…
If I ever go in a coma the following is very important…
1. I DON’T want you to play with the food tube the way you play with a vacuum cleaner on your hand…It’s just not nice…
2. I bet you my right lower-arm is gonna wanna itch…so a priori this is a fact. It will itch, and you should scratch accordingly…
3. I do not want people talking about me when I’m in the room..
4. I don’t want my sister to sit in the room watching “notting Hill” over and over…It’s a very nice movie, but even though I’m in a coma, I will grow tired of it…
5. If you see Robin Williams with a red nose…push him very hard and tell him to fuck off…Who the fuck introduced clowns (…scary) in the already horrible environment a hospital is….it makes no sense…
6. Instead of flowers in the room I prefer cash…I will wake up, and I will want to go to the cafeteria to buy lots of coffea… and hit on the first nurse I see…so place money in my hand… it calms down the post-modern man…
7. Buy me some nice clothes…I don’t want to spend three years in a white dress…It’s just not cool…pimp my coma…
8. I don’t know if this is possible, but if…If I get an erection…cover me up and leave the room…you do NOT just stand there like you haven’t noticed.
I think that’s about it… oh…yeah…if it doesn’t work out with the coma you can take whatever you want to…Anything else is just a waste of perfectly nice organs…Avoid using my right lower-arm..It will itch….
Menento mori…
Busto
I declare war on midterm…
Bush is in a pickle…and he knows it…
Last night I got one of those annoying calls from a telemarketing guy…
Him ” Hi..I’m calling from ….. I’d like to tell you about a very interesting offer regarding…”
Me ” Yeah…listen I’m a bit busy at the moment…but if you could give me your home number, I’m gonna call you back later tonight…”
Him ” …what…”
Me ” …Give me your number and I’ll call you back later…”
Him ” I don’t think I can give you my home number…”
Me “…why not…”
Him ” We’re not allowed to do that…”
Me ” Why…you’re afraid people will start calling you when you’re at home…”
Him ” …yeah…”
Me ” …”
Him ” …”
–click–
Me ” …sucker…”
Props goes to mister S…
Busto